Hey all… Oh, look at me… two posts in as many days… woohoo! Yeah, anyway… I thought I would post my new reworked “pitch.” I think it works a lot better than the one I posted under “Works” and, maybe, I’ll replace that one with this. It’s a little more succinct, which it needed to be in order to use it in my querying, and, I believe, more interesting. It seems to me that an actual query pitch has different requirements than the pitch I had to use for ABNA 2011. For instance, ABNA asked for more information; they wanted to know about character growth within the story and more details about the plot, at least I gathered that from everything I read. Of course, that wasn’t easy in the amount of words I could use, but I did the best I could to work everything in they required. Now, when it comes to querying, a writer needs to try to gain interest in the story in as few words as possible. Most people suggest you write a “logline” or first sentence that grabs their attention and tells the agent (or publisher) what the story is about. Then, you follow it up with the pitch (or summary that “sells” your work). I hope I described that correctly. In any case, here’s my logline (first sentence) and pitch:

“In the midst of grief, a young woman, transported to a future dominated by pale creatures that prey on humans, discovers she has a power both groups covet. After the mysterious and violent death of her beloved aunt, Haylee Wells returns home to pick up the pieces. However, when she is attacked by a strange pale creature and finds herself thrust into a future world she barely recognizes, she discovers a centuries’ old truth – a truth that goes beyond explaining her aunt’s demise and creates further questions. Now, taken in by a group of humans driven into hiding by these “Pale Ones,” Haylee must realize the power within herself – literally – or face consequences much worse than never returning home. Because, if she fails to do so, she risks becoming a slave to the “Pale Ones” and a pawn in the deadly game they have forced humans to play.”

But, yeah… Originally, I had been introducing the genre and word count and whatnot first, then my pitch. However, I read recently that the way publishing is nowadays, you need to catch their attention much sooner. So, now, I start with the logline and pitch. Of course, they probably still need some work. After the pitch, I state title, genre and word count and, then, include my short, relevant bio. Of course, I tweak it a little bit for each agency I send it to, because they all have different requirements.

Maybe this will help someone… I don’t know. I hope so.